If Only I Were Able To
by AbyssfulInsanity
Summary: Leo's having trouble with Elliot gone. First, his lover shows up as a ghost and stays for a while. Soon, he leaves before he's stuck in Gil's apartment forever. It's been four years and Leo's cutting. Elliot pops up yet again to stop him. Soon enough, the Nightray's gone. Is Leo able to conquer the aching in his chest for Elliot's and his own sake?


_Elliot trembled, the scenes in his mind playing over and over again._

_Leo watched him, his master on the brink of insanity._

"_Humpty Dumpty… I reject you."_

_He collapsed in a pool of blood. Sacrificed. Leo's raven eyes widened, running over to the brunette._

'He's not dead! He can't be!'

"_Elliot! Wake up, stupid!"_

'Please!'

_No avail came into waking Elliot up. His heart beat was no longer. His eyes were closed, his face pale._

_The brunette buried his face in his master's chest, blood covering his face and hands. His tears spilled from his ravenous eyes._

"_Elliot, come on… please…!"_

_Vince stepped back from the scene, taking one quick look at the two before running out from any evidence. _

_Leo sobbed and gripped tightly on Elliot's jacket before wrapping an arm around his waist._

_There's no one to treat him like he's wanted anymore._

_A shattering memory hit Leo on the head, making him tremble in fear now than sorrow._

"You ruined everything! Stay away from Elliot! If anything happens to him, I'll_ kill_ you! _I will kill you!_"

_Leo shuddered out a breath, trying to calm himself as he lifted his head, blood coating his face._

'I can't leave you in here…'

_The brunette picked up his master and ran out quickly, hearing the stones crack and begin to fall from the violence going on._

"_I want to bury you…for respect in the least."_

_~o~o~o~o~o~o~_

_Tears kept escaping Leo's eyes, though he tried his best to keep them from doing just so._

_Failing to do so, the brunette let his tears fall as he placed Elliot in the burial he had created from finding an old shovel against a tree._

_No more yelling, no more fighting, no more touching, no more hugging, no more kissing._

_Leo wiped his eyes drastically and threw the shovel elsewhere once the burial was finished._

'I'll have to camp out some-'

"_Leo!"_

_Said man turned around, only to see Elliot's older brother, Gil. The brunette gulped and looked at his feet, too scared to look face to face with the elder._

_Gilbert finally caught up to his brother's servant and gripped his shoulders, "What're you doing out here? You're a _mess!_ Come to my place and I'll mend your wounds, all right?"_

"_But-"_

"_No buts, I wouldn't doubt Elliot's back at the Nightray mansion or somewhere _safe_. So, let's go, I'll let him know you're all right."_

_Seeing the brunette smile made Leo force one out and nod, "All right…"_

'You obviously have no idea…'

_Gil smiled and took Leo's hand before walking back to his apartment with Oz and Alice._

_~o~o~o~o~o~o~_

_Leo looked at his hands when Gil found no wounds, only blood. _

_A larger shirt was placed over Leo's bare shoulders as he heard the elder speak._

"_Where did all the blood come from?"_

_Tears immediately filled the brunette's ebony pools "Gil… I… The blood… i-it came from… it came from Elliot…"_

_Honey eyes widened at the teenager's rattling sentence. Leo shook his head profusely as his tears were about to fall._

"_Leo..."_

_Said man sniffled, _'I can't cry anymore… If you were alive, you'd be laughing at me…'

_The brunette jumped, feeling warmth wrap around his torso. Leo looked up and saw Gil looking down, not touching him._

'W-what…? What is this…?'

_A soft nuzzle was placed against his neck, as if something was holding him affectionately. He knew this warmth though. Leo looked back and saw no one behind him. He was scared that he was going insane._

"_W-what's…?"_

_Gil looked up at the brunette, seeing him shaking, "Leo?"_

_The teenager wrapped his arms around his torso, around the familiar warmth._

"_E-Elliot…?"_

_The bundle around him got warmer as if he was being held tighter. The tears in Leo's ebony pools finally fell as he gripped onto his arms._

_Gil looked at his brother's servant, seeing him sob with his arms wrapped around his body as if somebody was with him. And that somebody was Elliot._

_The brunette smiled gently as he could see a gentle smile on his brother's own lips._

'That's right… You two were together, keeping it a secret though.'

~o~o~o~o~o~o~

The door opened gently as Leo stepped inside Gil's apartment.

The door clicked shut as the brunette spoke, though no one was home.

"I'm back."

As the words slipped from Leo's mouth, warmth wrapped around him and a small smile rose from his lips. Elliot was always happy when Leo came home from school and hugged him tightly.

"Someone's happy."

The aura thickened in annoyance, however the brunette received a soft touch on his cheek, meaning that Elliot had kissed him gently.

A voice rang through his head, making tears fill his eyes, missing the soft voice.

"_How was school?"_

"Fine, I don't see why you stay home when I know you get bored…"

Leo could see the spirit shrug, _"I dunno, going to Pandora isn't the smartest because of chains, then there's just being plain bored during school hours as well… I've really just been sleeping."_

The younger shook his head, "Always…"

"_Shut up!"_

Even though Leo couldn't see his master, it was obvious he was blushing.

"You're blushing."

"_I am not!"_

"Liar."

Elliot growled and Leo felt a force tackle him.

Oh, how easy it was to dominate over his servant now with his spiritual powers. Though he had to be careful and not hurt his lover.

The brunette's glasses were knocked off, landing on the wood as he collided with the floor.

"Just because you're able to tackle me easier doesn't mean I won't give up, Elliot."

Said man growled against and bit his lover's neck, hearing a loud gasp.

"_Just shut up, damn it Leo."_

Said man grit his teeth and spoke, "Elliot biting me-"

"_It's not weird, nor is it rude."_

"It _is_ weird and it _is _rude, Elliot."

"_Not if I'm marking you to show you're _mine_ and _only mine_."_

Leo shook his head and felt a soft touch against his forehead, making tears prick in his blinded raven eyes.

"I miss you…"

Elliot looked down as he sat up, straddling his servant's hips.

The brunette shook his head again, "I mean I miss being able to hold you without holding myself, being able to kiss you without hitting air or the wall, being able to yell or fight with you without being able to look insane… But mostly, I just miss seeing your face…your eyes, cheeks, smile…_everything,_ Elliot…"

The elder looked down, his soft light brown hair brushing against his nose as he turned his head.

"_I'm really sorry for the pain I've been causing you, Leo… I'm _so_ sorry that I had done what I've done… But either way I would be _dead_ either by Humpty Dumpty in the Abyss or just simply rejecting him… I'm sorry, but either way you would've witnessed my death."_

Leo shook his head, keeping his tears from falling, "I know… I just…I just wished it wouldn't have happened…in the first place…"

Ebony eyes widened, seeing his master's body appear in front of him, on his lap. He was transparent, but everything of him was noticeable.

"_When you're sleeping and Gil's awake… I slip out of bed to go out and talk to him. Just before you wake up, noticing I'm gone, I go back to bed, saying good night to him… I was afraid to show myself to you in case you couldn't take it…"_

Leo smiled gently, "I can handle it… Thank you so much, Elliot."

Said man smiled back just as gently and leaned into his lover's lips, pressing the warm pair against his cold, dead pair.

The brunette gulped, feeling the temperature difference between the two.

'…_I love him, but there are just some things that he can't fix as much as he'd like to…'_

Elliot's eyes wandered down, knowing what his servant was thinking.

"_Leo… I'm trying my hardest… I wish-"_

"I know… I just… There are some things you can't fix. Some of your touches aren't as warm as they used to be and I just have to grow used to the feeling, I'm sorry for sounding selfish."

The elder shook his head, _"No, you're all right. I'm not angry."_

The brunette chuckled, tears in his eyes, "I know… I just had to apologize."

Azure eyes wandered to the floor again as he felt warm arms wrap around him.

"I'm lucky for you doing all that you're doing for me, though and I should appreciate it more…"

Elliot gritted his teeth and wrapped his arms around his lover tightly.

"_I miss your hugs…"_

Leo smiled sadly, feeing a soft nuzzle in his ebony locks, "And I miss yours…"

~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Gil headed back to his apartment, always worrying about Leo and Elliot.

It was first awkward having a ghost live in his apartment. However, his brother would sneak out of bed and talk to him during the night to keep him company. Gil always enjoyed the talks they had, loving how his brother grew up to be what he was before he had died.

He was stubborn still, but so was Gil.

The door clicked open and the brunette walked in quietly, seeing Leo and Elliot splayed out on the couch, sleeping in each other's arms.

The elder smiled and he closed the door quietly, heading to the kitchen to prepare Leo something to eat.

"Welcome back."

Gilbert jumped, almost dropping his hat and coat as he looked back, seeing his brother's back turned to him and Leo still sleeping.

"Elliot?"

"_No, Vince."_

The elder's brow twitched, "Okay, be quiet, Elliot."

Said man chuckled and turned around facing his adopted brother, _"How was work?"_

The brunette shrugged, "It was fine. Was there anything particular that Leo wanted to eat for dinner? Oz and Alice are still at the Rainsworth household. I told them I'd be here for a night to check up on you two."

Elliot looked back at his lover, who was still sleeping, _"I don't know, I could wake him to ask. He really doesn't care what's to eat…he always eats as little as you…"_

"So I noticed… The thing that bugs me is that he's growing and I'm not…"

Elliot looked down, _"Being a servant, he always ate much smaller than me. But when I bought him food to share when we went out, he'd eat like he hasn't eaten in _months…_"_

Gilbert frowned, looking at the raven haired male.

"He was like me when I was younger and still serving Oz…It made me eat the way I do now, and I don't want Leo following my example…"

The younger frowned and sat up, _"Like I said, I can always talk to him. You're my brother and probably the only one who doesn't _hate_ Leo…"_

The raven looked down. He knew Leo wasn't truly wanted in the Nightray household because he wasn't an actual trained servant, just an orphan. However, Elliot was always with Leo, protecting him with all his will and argued with people when they'd harass his servant.

Leo was always a great servant to his brother, though there were some things he wouldn't let Elliot do, something Gil was never able to do with Oz.

"_That's why I love him, Gil… Because of what he did for me and how he'd stop me from causing any unneeded ruckus…"_

The elder jumped and he looked down, "I wish you'd stop peeking into my thoughts, Elliot…"

Said man grinned, _"Sorry, I just always wondered what went through your mind nowadays."_

Gil blushed slightly and looked down again before speaking, "Just go back to sleep. I'll make up something for Leo."

Elliot chuckled and shook his head before lying back down with his lover.

"_Thanks for taking care of him, Gil…"_

Said man only nodded and got to cooking.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Leo had helped Gil washed the dishes as he was called by Elliot.

The brunette walked into the bedroom and saw Elliot sitting on the bed.

"_Come here for a second."_

Leo did as told and sat next to his master, wondering what was wrong.

Elliot chuckled and stroked the soft raven hair, _"You did nothing wrong. I just want to talk to you."_

The younger nodded and looked at his lover, "What is it?"

The brunette frowned and looked down, _"Your appetite…"_

Leo immediately looked down, "What about it…?"

The elder huffed, _"I want you to eat more, because I know your appetite's different. I hear your stomach growling during the night because you aren't eating well enough… Gil's not going to laugh at you… He even notices your appetite and doesn't like it himself."_

The brunette looked down with his messy bangs overlapping his eyes, "I'm just used to eating little around the manner…"

Elliot nodded, _"I understand that, but you're eating like Gil and I don't like it from him or you. He's grown and he eats like an eleven year old you're _still_ growing and you do the same… Gil can't eat too much without throwing up. You _need_ to eat more, Leo… Because I know you can eat more…"_

Tears pricked the brunette's ebony pools, "Why does it sound like you're leaving me again?"

The elder frowned, _"Because I don't know how long I can stay anymore before I'm stuck here…"_

"What?"

"_Leo, if I'm here for a long period of time, I'm going to be stuck here, not able to go out anymore… I'll be stuck in this apartment and possibly in this world if I don't leave for a while…"_

Leo nodded, not too thrilled on his lover leaving, but he doesn't want to suffocate him.

"All right… I understand."

Elliot frowned, _"Look at me…"_

Leo did obediently, his glasses still covering his eyes from the sorrow canvasing his ebony pools. The obnoxious lenses were taken off and the brunette looked away –well tried to anyway. A force kept his face looking at his master, tears about to spill from his eyes.

"_Leo, I don't want you thinking that I'll be gone forever… Time goes by as you and I _both_ know and I'll be back. I promise."_

The brunette nodded and he smiled gently, not able to see his lover clearly from the tears and without the aid of his glasses.

"All right…"

~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Leo huffed as he felt his glasses being taken from his face.

"Break, please give them back."

Said man snickered, "How in the world can you see with these things?"

"Simple, I'm blind." Leo had stated bluntly, snatching his glasses back and placed the over-sized glasses back over his ebony pools.

The brunette had gotten back to reading his book as soon as there were two people yelling.

"Shut up, Seaweed Head!"

Gil shouted, "I told you to stop calling me that, stupid rabbit!"

"He's my manservant!"

"He's my master!"

Leo huffed and watched Oz sneak his way out of the argument.

Two years of reliving the same thing over and over again can get you in the routine of things.

"Hey, Leo."

Said man looked up at the blonde and smiled, "Hello, Oz-kun."

"Always so formal~ Come on, just call me Oz."

The brunette looked down, a small blush hinting on his cheeks, "Sorry."

"So, what're you reading?"

Leo smiled gently, "Just a book I've been trying to get in my grasp since I was thirteen."

"It took you four years to finally get it?"

The brunette smiled, "Yes. I really need to thank Gil for getting it for me." He stopped in his sentence, looking at Gilbert and Alice fighting, "Sadly, that's not an opportunity at this time. So I'll have to wait."

Emily snickered at the two, "Do they ever stop? They remind me of him and Elliot!"

Leo jumped and looked at the floor, eyes filling with tears immediately behind his glasses. The brunette gripped tightly onto his book and stood up, speaking quietly towards Oz and Break.

"Excuse me…"

Alice and Gil stopped shouting when they heard the door softly click shut.

"Leo…"

~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Leo walked quickly away from the Rainsworth manner and into a forest he knew all too well.

'_Shit… I would wind up here…'_

The brunette wondered around the forest until he found a mound of dirt near a tree.

A burial, Elliot's nonetheless.

"My heart hurts…"

Leo gripped tightly onto his shirt where his heart was. He missed Elliot deeply and wondered if his lover were to ever come back.

It had been two years since Elliot departed from Leo's life again.

'_Elliot…'_

There was a soft touch on his shoulder, causing him to look back as he saw Gil breathless.

"What're you doing out here?"

Leo shook his head, "I'm just saying good-bye again…"

The elder raised a brow as he saw Leo take off his glasses and tuck them into his shirt pocket.

"When you found me that night Elliot died, I had just buried him. I was planning on sleeping outside somewhere, but of course, things changed."

The brunette looked at him, "I-if you didn't want me taking you, you could've-"

"No… I appreciate it... You've done so much for me and I haven't even thanked you for it. So, thank you, Gil. I'm glad you found me out here…"

The raven looked at his brother's servant, "It's not a problem, Leo. Why don't we head back?"

"Back to what…? Back to where Elliot had become Humpty Dumpty's contractor…? Back to where Elliot had died…? Back to _what_, Gil? If only I were able to protect myself and not let myself become in danger… Elliot wouldn't be _gone_! If only I weren't to be so _stupid_! I-If only I were able to hide from meeting Elliot… _Nothing would be like this_!"

"Leo!"

Gilbert gripped Leo's shoulders tightly and made him look at him, "You're a _blessing_ to Elliot! You probably don't know that we'd talk when you were sleeping, but he told me he loved you for all you've done for him. Pulling him back from useless fights, you two would always argue, but you both would always stay by each other's side and protect one another. Looking at all the memories that weren't the best will only drag you down… Just because Elliot isn't here to pick you up again, doesn't mean other people won't!"

Tears filled the younger's ebony pools as he looked down, shaking his head. He pushed Gil off and wiped his eyes drastically.

'_I'm tired of crying!'_

"You don't understand…"

"Understand that you loved my brother whole heartily and did all your best to protect him? Yeah, you're right. I don't understand because I haven't done that for ten years to get Oz back, right?"

Leo shook his head and wrapped his arms around his body, "You don't understand anything…"

"Then tell me what I don't understand, Leo. I understand I'm not Elliot's blood related brother, but I treat you and him as if you guys _were_ my siblings."

The brunette trembled, "I-I can't talk about it… I promised I wouldn't…"

"Leo, please. If this is going to keep making you like this, I _need_ to know…"

The younger shook his head, taking a step back as he felt his sleeve being pulled up.

"_You fucking dumbass!"_

The brunette jumped, looking at Gil when he saw his eyes were stark blue.

"_You're _cutting_?!"_

Raven orbs widened, "Elliot?"

"_Answer me!"_

Leo looked down at his arm and shook out of the elder's grasp, "I am… There's nothing you can do anymore for me, Elliot."

"_Leo!"_

Said man chuckled, shaking his head, "I think it's a bit too late to bring me back to sanity, don't you think so too?"

"Leo!"

The brunette shook his head, "I don't understand why Elliot's using your body, Gil. But I don't need it…"

_Elliot pushed his brother out of the way and was once again in control, having Gil yelling at him to take it easy._

"_Why? Just because I'm dead?! Just because I was gone for two years?! Leo, I swear to god, you're the most immature bastard ever! I've been watching you and I've been using Gil's body every now and then to check up on your while you sleep! Everyone knows and they all tried to keep it secretive… That's why Emily compared Gil and Alice to you and me! Don't be fucking stupid, bastard!"_

Elliot gripped the younger's wrist and pulled him close.

"_I don't want you hurting yourself like I hurt myself, Leo…"_

Said man sniffled into Gil's shirt, gripping the fabrics tightly.

"_I'm always here… I'm never too far away… Gil, Alice, even the brat is here for you because I _need_ you to keep going, Leo…"_

The brunette nuzzled against the white cloth and felt arms wrap tightly around his waist.

"I love you…"

"_I love you too… And I have to go, I'm sorry…"_

Leo nodded and looked up at the blue eyes belonging to his lover as a gentle kiss was placed on his nose. The brunette smiled, seeing that Elliot remembered how to get him to smile.

Azure eyes turned back to honey as Leo took a step back from Gil to keep a normal distance.

"If you want to talk to him anytime, let me know, all right?"

The brunette smiled but he had shook his head, "I think I just need to be able to let go and realize he's dead and never going to come back alive. And things won't be the same because of that…"

Gil nodded slowly as the two began to head back to the manner. Was Leo really okay to be alone without his master…?

~o~o~o~o~o~o~

A/N: Well of course he's not! He got possessed by Glen! -shot-

Yeah, I'm sorry… I'll possibly make another one-shot sequel to this…

Leo will probably be possessed by Glen and probably breaking out of it somehow I dunno :I But I'll think of something~

Reviews possibly?

Thanks for reading this guys~ ^^


End file.
